Waiting, by John Burroughs

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,

Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;

I rave no more 'gainst time or fate,

For, lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays,

For what avails this eager pace?

I stand amid the eternal ways,

And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,

The friends I seek are seeking me;

No wind can drive my bark astray,

Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?

I wait with joy the coming years;

My heart shall reap where it hath sown,

And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw

The brook that springs in yonder height;

So flows the good with equal law

Unto the soul of pure delight.

The stars come nightly to the sky;

The tidal wave unto the sea;

Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,

Can keep my own away from me.

salve

not alone

My source of peace and strength during this time has been the understanding that I am Known. My heart - my struggles and my hurts - are understood and ordained by my Creator. The One who made, and holds in His hands, the stars and planets, also takes my journey with me, and gives me the guidance and wisdom I so desperately need in my darkest hours. He is my Mother and Father when they are nowhere to be found. He is my Protector when I feel exposed. He is my Provider when I am lacking. He is my Lover when I am unlovable. When I am nothing, He is the I AM.

I've got another Man, but He's a Spirit.

smoking makes me feel like shit

I think it's time to quit.

the story

i am so afraid

un regno per un bacio

My life was not what I'd hoped it would be, or tried to make myself believe it was, and it took something like il sogno to reveal that. There's no telling how much longer I could have lived that way. There was a distinct comfort living within the lie, though, and I often long to reenter it.

Ho aperto gli occhi.

you are my sunshine

I'm able, more and more throughout the day, to recognize the good in my life right now, and savor it.

The line between optimism and denial is a fine one, however, and one that I usually cross.

my heart was never pure

I am just so sorry. To you and you and you and you. And me.

i broke in and demanded that somebody free it

I feel crippled by pain today - immobile - but I suppose I'm not. It will carry me somewhere, and then I'll push through the rest of the way.

Right?

shoes fill up with water

Pain has been the enemy for so long. I struggle to feel it, to travel through it, to really own it. Some of the pain is so raw and close to the surface, and some of it is old and deep - so old, in fact, that I don't really know if it's really there anymore.

borrowed words

Desiderata By Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

loveliness

nothing amusing about it

Lately, all That Man and I have been doing is hashing out our relationship with lots of hurt, rage, frustration, sadness, confusion and tears. The range of emotions for either of us, on any given day, will range from hope to wrist-slitting despair. And that's usually before noon.

on waking up

you know when you have a dream that seems better than reality and you just don't want to wake up? it's like that.

grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

grace

(noun)

• simple elegance or refinement of movement
• courteous goodwill
• an attractively polite manner of behaving
• the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings
• a divinely given talent or blessing
• the condition or fact of being favored by someone

flowers

(symbolism)

• to show connection to nature, as a symbol for love, innocence and divine beauty