i am so afraid

un regno per un bacio

My life was not what I'd hoped it would be, or tried to make myself believe it was, and it took something like il sogno to reveal that. There's no telling how much longer I could have lived that way. There was a distinct comfort living within the lie, though, and I often long to reenter it.

Ho aperto gli occhi.

you are my sunshine

I'm able, more and more throughout the day, to recognize the good in my life right now, and savor it.

The line between optimism and denial is a fine one, however, and one that I usually cross.

my heart was never pure

I am just so sorry. To you and you and you and you. And me.

i broke in and demanded that somebody free it

I feel crippled by pain today - immobile - but I suppose I'm not. It will carry me somewhere, and then I'll push through the rest of the way.

Right?

shoes fill up with water

Pain has been the enemy for so long. I struggle to feel it, to travel through it, to really own it. Some of the pain is so raw and close to the surface, and some of it is old and deep - so old, in fact, that I don't really know if it's really there anymore.